No EZ Answers, Pt. 2
Im sure you’ve all been waitin with baited breath.
a brief recap: as you’ll recall, there are no easy answers (“truth like a lonely man”, infra.). we adhere to this conclusion and expound upon it here.
its super jarring to get back to school after a week of break and then start all new classes. property? principles? policies? where art thou?? i miss you. but now its the second week of school and crim pro with rw is bomb man, so bomb. i missed that adorable guy. INAAMS (i now abbreviate all my sentences). IMLWE (it makes life way easier).
goin home, like breaking up, is hard to do, especially when you only have a few days to see everybody and youre as popular as i am. (whats that you say? haters gon hate huh. i see you, and i hate you too.) and then you come back to school and you’re like, ok i can do this, i’m in a whole new mind frame; last quarter was my spiritual enlightenment game and this quarters gonna be my crim procedure game what what.
what you should remember is that to be an enlightened scholar, you must be able to move between the realms of reality with ease, like i do.
ok. comin back is even harder when you thought you had your shit all worked out and then you went home and you realized you dont even know what shit is, let alone how to work it out. you dont even know if shit is an actual concept or just a concept in your own head. you saw black swan and you were like ok natalie, ok mila, i see you, that’s deep stuff. and then you saw a trailer for no strings attached and you were like, ok natalie, i guess. and then you saw a trailer for friends with benefits and you were like wtf? mila?
im sorry, im getting a little emotional because i thought i knew shit and now im just not so sure. i thought i had a piece of that truth pie and now i’m like i don’t even know what dark matter is man, how can i know what reality is?? how can i believe in truth and meaning if i dont even know particle physics (neil gaimon says this is smaller than atoms which is what we is made of. i get all of my information about the natural world from the graveyard book. you should too.) i even put on some MGMT to try to get back in that “yeah i got this” mood and it left me only feeling as though “yeah no i most certainly do not got this”. so then i put on some sade. you give me the sweeeeeeetest tabbooooooo.
if you were expecting something more than mere ramblings today, all i can say is that i hope you have been disabused of that notion by now. i certainly have been.
what i’m trying to say is that you are the lover’s rock, the rock that i cling to. in the storm. just kidding, sade, i know all about copyright infringement. and in any case, you aren’t the lover’s rock so whatever. what im tryin to say is that (A) there is a limited amount of time that we can devote to figurin out “meaning” unless we want to devote our lives to it, and even then, no guarantees for sure. (2) our brains are wired to find meaning in shit (i know this because of an epiphany i had while watching the itunes visualizer), so how do we know if we’re seeing meaning meaning or our brains are just creatin meaning? (D) does it even matter? (4) what should we be lookin for? meaning? productivity? happiness? money? (G) life is short as hell, and sometimes we get stuck lookin for the right way to live rather than just any way to live at all. i know i do. my brain gets so full of shit i just cant answer and cant figure out. and im not sayin live your life just figurin out how to make it awesome for you. try to make it awesome for everyone. but also for you, you know. weve got one little life – meaning-seeking brains and all.
i dunno what im tryin to say here, but i feel ive successfully procrastinated, and thats not nothing.
these are the (firstworld) questions.
Maybe the answer lies in reframing the way we think about truth and meaning. maybe its got nothing to do with what can be proved, or our brains, or knowledge or anything. maybe its got nothing to do with death or us or particle physics at all. maybe its just – – . beyond us? maybe its just the feeling of meaning rid of all doubt and thats what it is. thats what truth is. an absence of doubt. and the point is that we’re able to feel it, and it gives our lives meanin when we do feel it.